I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Randomize
