summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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