this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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