Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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