As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
