You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
