I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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