last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just high enough for therapy.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
