If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I have tasted many bathrooms
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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