i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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