dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
