Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
