can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
