Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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