I can text with my tongue
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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