So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
