I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's shark week go big or go home
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
