You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
