I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I need a beard to bite.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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