ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
