i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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