that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
