We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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