hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
This is the high leading the old right now
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
