he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
