Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
