WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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