If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
