I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
