I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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