i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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