I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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