theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
