My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
