I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
