and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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