i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
