I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
