there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
