I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
