He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
