so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
