I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
