I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
