that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Randomize
