forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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