and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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