I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
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You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
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I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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