Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
