I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
