Jerry, you need to find god
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
