Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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