Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
