Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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