So drunk its hurt
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
