You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
