Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
