my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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