my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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