it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
