i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
