I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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