I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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