so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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