im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
