I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
