Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
