dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
