You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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