Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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