upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Randomize
