i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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