why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
