She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
