she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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