I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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