i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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